I'm still here. Just so very tired. Very, very tired.

The Darkest Hour

There's that hour and a half in the evening, that time after supper but before bed preparations, that time slot that seems to drive you crazy but is also exciting because it means sleep is near. That time is hard when you are parents of small children. For me, it's the time that I dream of a cleaning my kitchen, and then having a quiet moment where all my little angles are quietly sitting and reading and the house is spotless and I feel great because I spent the entire day being productive and now I am entitled to rest. But that is not usually the scenario of that time slot. No, not at all. Some days I've been productive, but some days I've just managed to keep my head above the water. Most of the time, I'm so exhausted from the after school rush, the homework, and the supper prep that I just stack the dirty dishes in the sink and remind myself that they can always be cleaned in the morning. Then I just try not to lose my cool as the girls have obviously been injected with the adrenaline rush that all children seem to get right after they've finished supper. Who is supplying this stuff and why didn't they give some to me?
Honestly though, I remember finishing supper and then running off to play something with the other kids. It was a really fun hour of the day and as a child, it never occurred to me that I might be driving my parents crazy; that they might be wishing I would just sit and stare and just be.  But they never said anything, not that I can remember, and we played with so much enthusiasm and energy until it was time to get ready for bed. And these nights, when the girls get up from the table and start their games of hide-and-seek or coloring contests or whatever it may be, I just take a deep breath, remember how my parents treated me, and keep my mouth shut. And sometimes, I even muster up enough energy to join in their games. (Tonight is not one of those nights, but it does happen every now and then.)

After I wrote this post, I came in the living room and found the three older girls lined up on the couch reading books. And I smiled and thought, "Finally!" And now, five minutes later, we have one on the ground crying, one on the couch crying, one standing on a chair, singing in her loudest voice while she waves a swimming noodle in the air, and one trying to sword fight her sister with the remaining noodle. Well, it was nice while it lasted. :) 

Saturday

 This past Saturday was my father's annual open trip to the Trojan game in Little Rock. He goes to support the team often, but once a year he buys tickets for anyone that will show up for the game. It usually a good crowd of friends and family that show come and it's a really fun time of visiting, cheering, and dancing crazy so the camera will put us on the big screen.  

This is one of my nephews, Ryan. We have a special relationship.

I was trying to get a good picture of these two. 

It was a little difficult. 

Eily was taking a break from dancing.

And Claire never misses a chance to pose for the camera.

Just four blondes, cheering on the Trojans.

Eily and Aunt Kat chowed down on some free popcorn.

And they realized they had on matching pants! 

It was a really fun night even though our team lost in the last .03 second of the game. I'm already looking forward to next year's game. 

Sickness, Snow, and Staying Busy

I've been reunited with my desk top and I think that's going to mean steadier posting. It's just so much easier to post from here and also, when I sit at this desk, I'm on a mission and I don't get distracted. (Excuse me for a moment while I go check Facbook.) 

Apparently this is The Winter of All Sicknesses Known to Man. I'm ready for some fresh spring breezes so I can air out this place and feel clean again. We have been trying to stay busy despite the hacking coughs and fevers and this is some of what we've been doing. 

Nora plays with Samson every chance she gets.

Eily has been practicing her pull-ups. She's very impressive.

Nora has slept- a lot. 

A lot, a lot, a lot

I finally took these two to the dr. They had fun with the coughing masks the front desk provided.

I've been taping hearts every night on the wall in the girls' room since February 1st. They LOVE it.

Other than that, we've watched a lot of I Love Lucy, 

 danced, did a biology lesson , 

and I built this sucker. Let me tell you, it was no easy task. 

Look at that toilet. It took me over thirty minutes to figure out how that thing went together.

And this cabinetry? Don't even ask.

Dining Room

Living Room

Front of House
This took two days to build. I'm pretty sure I now qualify for a Master's in All Things Involving Paper Tabs.

End of January Report

We made it one month without buying something new. Mostly.
These were my cheats:

2 dog dishes from Dollar General for Samson's food and water.
A chew toy for Samson from Dollar General
A dog collar and a flea collar from Dollar General (These were for Jason. ha! Just kidding.)

This is what I bought new that was under "forgivable" categories:
Pencil Sharpener
Stapler

These are the items I had an impulse to buy but then remembered not to:
Too many to remember

Seriously y'all, I had no idea how easily I bought things, unnecessary thing, without even giving it a second thought; baskets, house shoes, clothes, decorative items, cooking utensils, more, more, more.
This month has been very eye-opening for me. But what it hasn't been, is hard. I am grateful that the impulse to buy has been easy to stifle. I even went through Target and TJMaxx without getting one thing that wasn't on my list. I actually went into TJMaxx and came out with nothing! Today has been the first day that I actually feel an urge to shop. Instead, I'm going to waste a little time on Pinterest looking at some ideas for my future house, and then get busy cleaning my current house.

What I've already taken away from this experience:
Think before you buy
Sale racks are deceiving

That last one may sound odd but it really isn't. Several people assumed that my resolution only applied to full-price items but no, it applies to all new items, on sale or not. Before, I would have browsed the sale aisles, congratulating myself on saving money as I tossed things in my cart. Now I avoid the sale aisles, congratulating myself on actually saving money and also shaking my head at how easily I was tricking myself beforehand. Now, if I do for real need something, I'm going to check the sale aisle first, but other than that, I'll pass.

Have any of you had any denying-the-impulse success stories?

I know, I know

I keep trying to post. Honest I do. But for some reason, it has been very, very hard to find a moment to write something. I did, however, up load some photos the other day and I'll let them be my post for now and help me ease pack into regular posting. 

Maid Marion

Pallet sleeping at Aunt Kat's on the way home from Tennessee

They took over Aunt Kat's bed. And each other's personal space.

Nora rested on Daddy's fist. And it was cute.

On New Year's day, we finally made our gingerbread houses.

Claire's house was the only house to stay together.

The rest of the houses had to be decorated in pieces. 

This is how you pose for a picture but also keep your nakedness a secret. 

We also put together some ACME crafts that day.

Claire made a fabulous looking peach pie out of play-doh.

Audrey came for a visit and taught a How To Behave Like A Princess class. Nora didn't pass.

We acquired a puppy. His name is Samson and I have to admit I'm a little bit in love. 

He's very patient.

Daddy babysat one evening while I had my hair changed.

It's always more fun when he's in charge.

I think her whiskers are my favorite.

Nora would spend all day, every day with him if I let her.

I call this Through the Toilet Paper Roll.

New hair color. Me no likey. Me need brown again.

The moment where I rested

Today was a good day but a little bit exhausting. We all slept in this morning and it just seemed to take longer than normal to get my engine up and running. I finally started breakfast and Eily helped me make pumpkin chocolate chip muffins. It was very exciting because it was her first time to crack the eggs all by herself.

Then I did the thing that I've been putting off all week. I emptied out the trailer. It took all afternoon but the girls and I finally got all the presents organized and put away. It's a good feeling to know that is finished for a year. Elaina and Claire have been very cute with the whole not-buying-anything-new situation. This evening, Elaina was telling us that it really doesn't matter if we don't buy any new toys because it's so easy to make things out of the items we already have in our house. Then she told us how she was going to make a play gun using some cardboard rolls and an empty crayon box. See? That right there is one reason I felt this was such an important thing for our family to do. We are all so used to just buying what we need instead of seeing if we can first make do with what we have.  For example, the girls got some new doll clothes for Christmas and the basket that we keep them in is already completely full. I immediately thought,  "Oh, I need to remember to buy another basket the next time I'm in Fort Smith." Then I remembered The Rule and decided that we either needed to get rid of some doll clothes or just use a container we already have for the new clothes. I ended up putting them in a cloth book bag that I had up in the top of my closet and I'll just keep my eyes open during the year for a used basket.

Then we ate salad for supper and Jason, Elaina, and Eily left for basketball practice. Claire stayed home with me and Nora because her mouth had been a bit sassy today. (Well, every day if we are being honest.)

Now, I'm going to go read to Nora and get her to sleep so that I can spend some quiet time reading before Jason and the other girls get home. I hope you are having a nice, calm evening.

January 1, 2014

Well, it's here. The Year of Nothing New. I went ahead and purchased my blog book this morning so that it would be out of the way and I can truly feel like I'm doing this.

We went to Misty and Thomas' house last night for New Year's Eve. It was a lot of fun. We got home at eleven but I forced myself to stay awake until midnight. Then I was asleep by 12:01.

We start the mornings with breakfast, coffee, and the classical music station. But before you can say I Love Bach, Eily has turned on River Dance and is tapping her feet silly in the living room.
I'm gong to be sad when the girls go back to school.

Aunt Abby gave the girls some play-doh for Christmas and our dining room table has been Play-Doh central for two days. I've never been good about leaving something like that out and about so I'm a little bit proud of myself for staying calm, despite the mess. I mean, it's not a total mess. We clean it up each night but all the equipment stays on the table.

Jason and I are going to have electronic-free Sundays for a while. No email. No texting. No browsing. Yes reading. Yes bonding. Yes relaxing.  Join us if you like. I bet neither of us will regret it. 

I need to be scrubbing the front tub but instead I'm sitting on the couch, watching the girls. It feels nice to take a break. I've been breaking from a lot of things lately, blogging being one of them. I'm sure I'll be back with a vengeance next year. 

This morning reminded me what mornings are like when we are homeschooling. I forgot how nice it is to have slow mornings where things get accomplished. Now I'm anxious for August to get here. 

Except then I remember that in August Elaina will almost be nine, Claire will almost be eight, Eily will be six, and Nora will be halfway to four. And then I decide maybe I'm not so anxious. 

But either way, it's exciting to wonder what 2014 will bring. I hope you have a fantastic New Year's Eve!

The girls had their Christmas Parties at school today. I just kept hopping between the three. It was handy because I could pig out on chocolate candy and no class was the wiser. :)

One more exception

I forgot to add my blog book to the exception. It's a must. (Not really, but kind of.)

Rules for 2014 Resolution

1.  We are not to purchase anything new - unless it is found in new condition at a yard sale/thrift store, etc…

2. There are a few exceptions to Rule 1 :)
    These exceptions are: toiletries, cleaners, Jason's art supplies, etc…, Car parts (hopefully this won't be needed), and shoes.
I have some very strong feelings about wearing used shoes. BUT- the shoes have to be needed and sensible. No more how-adorable-we-have-to-have-them shoe purchases.
Toilet paper (duh)
Groceries (double duh)

3. At the end of each month I have to report how we've done, what money we've saved, etc…

4. Since this resolution is for our family and not yours, if we are to buy a gift for someone in your family, it will be new. Unless I find something totally perfect and in perfect condition at a used item store. Hey- it could happen!

5. Also, I will not tell the girls they can't get new items from others when it's their birthday, Family Day and Christmas. Like I said before, this applies to our family, not your family.


I think that's about it.

The time is drawing near. I'm still just super excited about this challenge and the positive effects I hope it has on my family.  Let me know if you have any other rule suggestions (real ones, Adam). I love having input.

Sunday Morning

A few thoughts before I make myself get out of bed and curl my hair. (Oh, the inhumanity!)

I love to hear all four of my daughters laughing and playing together. In my family, there are four girls. We never played together as a group, though. I was four when Leah was born. Rachel and I had a few games that we played with Leah where we used her as the orphaned child that needed rescued, or the younger orphaned younger sibling that needed our care, but that was really all. And I don't know that we ever played games that involved Sarah. When Sarah was born, I was almost eight and Rachel was almost ten. So to hear all four of my girls laughing and pretending and each of them playing an important role, well, it makes my heart very happy.

I have been in a very funky place, lately. It's been very hard for me to accomplish the little, day-to-day things, much less write a blog post. I can't put my finger on what is exactly wrong, but it seems to be a mix of depression, exhaustion, and sadness. Last night was very, very bad. The lowest of my low's. After we put the girls to bed, I crawled in beside Nora and softly scratched her hair. It was healing to lay beside her warm, little body. Her skin was so soft I could smell it. She would take her hand and gently swirl it on the top of my arm. This morning, I feel renewed, refreshed and re-energized.

I'm not going to lie. Sometimes the girls overwhelm me. At one point this week, all four were wailing -not crying- wailing at the same time. But when they are happy and calm, I'm reminded how amazing it is that I'm in this place in life. And my heart hurts for my family and friends who have lost children, who are praying so desperately to have children, who are still waiting to get married and start a family, or who's children have all grown up and moved away. How blessed I am to be living RIGHT NOW in our little, old house with all four of my children. They still need me. They still want to be cuddled. They still smell like babies. They still fit on my lap. They still mispronounce words. They still think I'm one of the two greatest things on the planet. And they are still so forgiving. Children are the most forgiving individuals. Sometimes I'm amazed at how quickly they forgive and forget. I need to take lessons from them.

And now I need to quit typing and start curling. Do you know how long it takes to curl five heads of hair?!

Thanksgiving 2013

Happy Thanksgiving, all!

BFF's

Eily has a (non-related)best friend and I COULD NOT be happier for her. I used to imagine what it would look like to see her laughing and playing with a girl her own age and let me tell you, today's lunch at school proved that it's a sight worth seeing. I think a play date at home is in our near future. 

I want to take a nap.

Today, I'm watching four other children, besides Nora. It's been crazy, calm, exciting, messy, and exhausting. I never could get more than two kids to sleep at the same time but there was one hour where everything seemed to slow down and the commotion level was low. I think once the last child wakes up, we are going to go outside, despite the cold wind, and let our wiggles go wherever they lead us. I'm guessing they will lead us to the swing set and trampoline.
I've been prepping for next year's challenge. I'm still just as pumped and excited and nervous about it as I was before. I'm also still motivated and determined. I've had to laugh at myself, though. I keep thinking of all the things I need to buy before January. Kind of goes against the whole idea, doesn't it? I know I need to buy a calendar (one of my favorite end-of-year purchases) and the rest of the Christmas gifts. I hope to be posting the "list of rules and buyable items" soon.  I just need to sit down with Jason and go over it one last time.
I'm going to work two days a week at the local grocery store while the girls are in school. I have worked for this man on and off since I was 18 and so he's very willing to work with my situation and will basically let me set my own schedule. Nora is going to go play with two of her favorite cousins while I'm at work so I know she's going to be very excited. It's a win/win! Well, my cousin will make a little money from babysitting Nora, so really it's a win/win/win!

Something New & Nothing New

I don't usually make new year resolutions. I think the last time I truly made one was when I was a teenager. I discovered very quickly that I didn't keep them and most of the time, they felt forced and shallow.
This evening, I read a link that one of my friends had posted on Facebook. The catch line was Stuff, Do We Really Need More?  At first I passed it by but it wouldn't leave my brain so eventually I scrolled back up and clicked on the link.

Let me chase a rabbit for a minute. Last year, around this time, I decided to give up soft drinks.  At little bit of the motivation came from wanting to lose tummy fat but mostly, it was due to learning more and more about how food/drinks affect our bodies and how important it is to our health to avoid processed things/sugar/preservatives, etc…  Because I felt so convicted about stopping, it really wasn't that hard for me to stick to my resolve, and I haven't looked back since. The girls never really had coke to drink anyway, but it has been completely eliminated from their diets as well. I think Jason may have a Sprite every now and then but I don't nag him about it since he drinks them so infrequently. So, my point is this, it was easy (and in some ways, enjoyable) to quit because I had deep motivation and conviction about what I was doing. I also knew, it the deepest gut of my guts, that this time it would be easy for me to quit soft drinks. I had tried before and gone a little while but eventually would pick up the habit again. It was just different this time. I can't really explain it. It just seemed so simple and direct and obvious.

Back to the first topic. I clicked on the link and was directed to this website. The more I read, the more I was intrigued. The more I was intrigued, the more I was convicted. And the more I was convicted, the more excited I became. I got the same feeling that I had when I decided to quit drinking Dr Pepper. (All soft drinks apply, but that's really the only one that I ever drank.) It seemed so simple and direct. So obvious. So right.

I read the article to Jason who was immediately on board. This is his kind of thing, anyway. It will be much harder for me than it will be for him.
So, my friends, I am happy to announce that for the first time in almost 20 years, I am going to make a resolution.

We, the Jason Sacran family, will not buy anything new in 2014. 
Obviously, there are a few exceptions to the rule (like toilet paper) and I will be working on a post with those exceptions laid out so that you all can keep me on my toes. Every month, I will give a recap of the month and how the experience has changed us. We will be explaining it to the girls and I'm sure there will be times they will be frustrated, but they will also have a reason for the "no." We will appreciate any encouragement you can send our way. It going to be hard, but it going to be fun! 

It's the Artist's Life for Me

Jason has a good friend and fellow artist named, John Porter Laseter. Recently, John did an event where he painted 24 Plein Air paintings in 24 hours. To encourage and support his friend, Jason painted a nocturne from ten to eleven and I videoed most of the process. It was pretty cold that night and Jason and I both felt for John. At the same time, we were so glad that we could go inside after that one hour! You can find both John and Jason on Facebook if you want to follow along with their works and accomplishments.

My almost-eight-year-old cousin, Aaron, watched Jason's video and decided to turn it into an art lesson. Jason and I are VERY impressed with his efforts. Way to go, Aaron!!

I've got this little family, see, and they come first. :)

Wednesday

There's just not a lot to post about these days that you haven't already heard from me before. I mean, there is one thing I could write about but I'll spare you. It's gross. It's bad. It's nasty. It's taken over my life for the past two days and I'm not even involved. It's gross. It's time consuming. Oh yes, and, it's gross.  It involves hair. And that's all I'm going to say about that.

Other than that, life is regular. We had parent/teacher conferences this afternoon. All three have all A's. (Eily actually has all 100's.) All on Honor Roll. All reading well above their level. All seem to behave while at school. Mrs. Pickatrz commented on how Elaina is such a deep thinker and the best listener in the class. Mrs. Young commented on how talented Claire is in Math and how quickly she figures out the answers . Mrs. Means commented on how sweet Eily was and how much she's opened up since the beginning of school.  Parent/Teacher conferences are fun when those are the types of reports you hear. :)

Jason is on his last big trip for this year. Hallelujah!!!  And then it's 5 weeks until thanksgiving, 9 weeks until Christmas and 10 weeks until 2014. Gracious! I think I'm going to go stick my head under the covers and be in denial for a while. I suggest you do the same.