Sunday, December 08, 2013

Sunday Morning

A few thoughts before I make myself get out of bed and curl my hair. (Oh, the inhumanity!)

I love to hear all four of my daughters laughing and playing together. In my family, there are four girls. We never played together as a group, though. I was four when Leah was born. Rachel and I had a few games that we played with Leah where we used her as the orphaned child that needed rescued, or the younger orphaned younger sibling that needed our care, but that was really all. And I don't know that we ever played games that involved Sarah. When Sarah was born, I was almost eight and Rachel was almost ten. So to hear all four of my girls laughing and pretending and each of them playing an important role, well, it makes my heart very happy.

I have been in a very funky place, lately. It's been very hard for me to accomplish the little, day-to-day things, much less write a blog post. I can't put my finger on what is exactly wrong, but it seems to be a mix of depression, exhaustion, and sadness. Last night was very, very bad. The lowest of my low's. After we put the girls to bed, I crawled in beside Nora and softly scratched her hair. It was healing to lay beside her warm, little body. Her skin was so soft I could smell it. She would take her hand and gently swirl it on the top of my arm. This morning, I feel renewed, refreshed and re-energized.

I'm not going to lie. Sometimes the girls overwhelm me. At one point this week, all four were wailing -not crying- wailing at the same time. But when they are happy and calm, I'm reminded how amazing it is that I'm in this place in life. And my heart hurts for my family and friends who have lost children, who are praying so desperately to have children, who are still waiting to get married and start a family, or who's children have all grown up and moved away. How blessed I am to be living RIGHT NOW in our little, old house with all four of my children. They still need me. They still want to be cuddled. They still smell like babies. They still fit on my lap. They still mispronounce words. They still think I'm one of the two greatest things on the planet. And they are still so forgiving. Children are the most forgiving individuals. Sometimes I'm amazed at how quickly they forgive and forget. I need to take lessons from them.

And now I need to quit typing and start curling. Do you know how long it takes to curl five heads of hair?!


AIMA said...

I appreciate your honesty about your funk and your gratefulness. I can relate. Thinking of you today.

Leslye Leigh said...

I really liked this post. It's a nice, honest peak into your life. I can relate to a lot of it too, especially when it comes to appreciating my boys right now.