Eily is loving. Eily is talkative. Eily is amusing. Eily is strange.
Eily started sleeping through the night at about six weeks old. It was marvelous. She would rock herself to sleep by, (are you ready for this?), humping. And that's the last time I will use that word in this post. From here on out I will refer to said motion as smiling.
So, anyway, she smiles her self to sleep every night. Really, she does it anytime she needs to feel comforted. If you are holding her and she is tired she will smile against your stomach. If you are sitting on the couch, she will lie on your lap and smile the couch. And she doesn't just smile. She has to have something under her bottom to smile into. Her "something" of choice is Brown Bear. When he was lost a little while back we had try-outs with the various stuffed animals in the house to see which one was the most comfortable to tuck under her bum so that she could smile. So strange. When we stayed all afternoon at church a couple of weeks ago, I made her take a nap. But before she could go to sleep we had to find a pillow or a blanket that could sufficiently replace Brown Bear. If she is in bed and not smiling, we know that she's not going to sleep yet. You have to wait for that smiling motion before you can breathe that parental sigh of relief that comes at night when you know it's ok to sit and put your feet up because they can stay up for more than 3 seconds.
Every night Eily comes in around 3am and gets in our bed and Jason moves to the couch. We are really tired of this routine and we know all we have to do is put her back in her bed for a night or two and she'll stop but we are both so tired from the lack of sleep that comes from her nightly interruption that we just cooperate with her demands. ANYTHING FOR SLEEP. We are almost to the point that we are so exhausted from the ritual that we will be empowered to stop it. But not yet. So two nights ago, Eily had hopped in and Jason had stumbled out and I was trying to get her situated so I could just go back to sleep. First she had to locate Brown Bear. Then she had to get the covers just right and finally, after a few drinks (of water), she started smiling. I just watched her for a moment and then I finally just came out and asked her,
"Why in the world do you do that when you go to sleep?" "You mean why do I bump?" "Yes. Why do you do that?"
A slight pause and then,
"Because that what Eily's do!"
And now I know.
P.S. Anyone want to trade lives with Brown Bear? No? Didn't think so.
I start my 5th month this week. It's hard to believe.
We were in TJMaxx this afternoon and as we were walking out, Elaina looked up at a *ahem* larger woman, smiled her sweetest smile and said, " I'm so happy that you have a baby in your tummy!" I just looked straight ahead, tried not to laugh and kept ushering the girls out the door.
Sometimes I'm so upset that I can't breathe. I feel like something is pressing down so hard on my chest that in a few seconds my lungs are going to burst. I hate this feeling. Hate, hate, hate it. Go away! You know what's worse? Because of my past wrongs I don't feel like I can do or say anything to change the situation. It's like I've lost the right to stand up for myself. And I'm just drowning. It's like the more I do to change what I did that was wrong, the more "the wrong" comes at me like it's going to swallow me whole. It's scary.
I let the girls make their own pizzas for lunch. They were so excited to eat them that they were having a hard time waiting for them to cool. Once the waiting was over there was a lot of discussion about the level of hotness of the individual pizzas. At one point Claire said, "Momma, Laina's pizza and my pizza aren't hot but Eily's is. That's mysterious!"
1. Fall is here and I hope it has decided to stick around this time. I love fall.
2. Jason went to the dentist this morning. I think it's been two years since his last visit. I would complain that he went so long without a check up but I think it's been 4 years since I have had one. (Dropping head in shame.)
3. Eily told me this morning that she loves me so much and she likes me berry much. So I kissed her.
4. I have a very aggravating tickle in my throat but if I cough to make it go away, my stomach will lurch which will make me throw up. So I'm trying to decide if I would rather live with this tickle or...well...you know.
5. I want to name this baby Seren so that I call call her my little Serenade.
6. Just to clarify, if it's a boy I do not want to name this baby Seren.
7. I have an ultrasound on December 6th. I don't want to find out the sex but I'm afraid when the answer is so readily available I will cave. Any tips on staying strong?
8. Why does it always rain on library days? Not that we are going today, but still. Why?
9. I can't think of what to cook for supper. What's a good fallish meal?
10. Go collect some leaves and iron them between two sheets of wax paper. Unless it's raining where you live. In that case, go drink some hot chocolate and read a book. Or do like me and plan to fold laundry all the live long day.